How can we fight Italian bureaucracy?

"The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them." - Albert Einstein

Italy is unique when it comes to government bureaucracy. Italians are known for great design, delicious food and overcomplicated governmental processes. Moving to Italy I knew I was probably going to experience it all first hand.

Bureaucracy in Italy is like Hydra of Lerna, the seven head dragon that Hercules defeated in its second labor. Imagine the danger created by thousands of heads belonging to governmental officials, constantly thinking on how to complicate the simple. The Hydra legend says that when you successfully severed one head you would soon find it replaced by two others. Governmental bureaucracy works in a very similar way. Due to the constant work of complicating the simple, the government constantly needs more heads to deal with the complications produced by the current employed heads. The end result is a perpetual growing of bureaucratic heads, with the news ones bringing a renewed enthusiasm of complicating the simple.

Unlike Hercules I never dreamed about defeating the dragon. You may think that this decision was taken due to a lack of bravado. I simply didn't want to bother myself; I just wanted to start my new life. What could I hope to achieve? I would be dealing with low ranked heads, those that only obey and dutifully follow the complicated web of processes thought by the less numerous, but highly dangerous, high ranking heads. If I dared to challenge the status quo they would probably use one of the many survival techniques heads all over excel at. They would use "I'm just following orders" or "It's been done like this since I started working 30 years ago" or, the most feared one, "We have a reclamation book". This book works in similar ways to a black hole - things go in but nothing comes out.

The first labor was the fiscal code. I arrived to a well organized Ministero delle Finanze office in Bologna. I took my ticket and in 10 minutes I was out the door with my fiscal number. I was stupefied - fast and easy. Where was the wicked work of the heads? Perhaps some big head suddenly realized the painful reality caused by his horde and succeeded in converting every single head into producing constructive thoughts.

The second labor was to get the permesso di soggiorno, which allows a person to work in Italy. Being a European Union citizen I was hoping the process to be effortless, so on a sunny winter morning I went to the Questura (police HQ). When I arrived I took a waiting ticket, I had number nineteen and number four was being served at the moment. I smiled and relaxed while dreaming about a quick wait. A little display was being updated to show the current ticket being attended. After some minutes I noticed that the display and the number of people getting in did not match. There were way to many people getting in! I decided to take no notice of this fact, although deep inside I knew I just had my first chilling contact with some head evil work.

The moment of truth finally came when, in a slip second, the numbers on the display went from fourteen to eighteen. Hell just broke loose in the place - people getting up, yelling, demanding to be received by the capo (chief) head. The situation got worse when, due to the turmoil, number sixteen went first than number fourteen. He was not happy about it and make sure to let number sixteen, the fellow number holders, the heads, and the rest of the police building know about his feelings! I could not believe my luck, I had been one number away from doom.

A lady waiting her turn to be attended decided to mount guard to the door, ensuring that every person entering had in their possession a ticket with a number inferior or equal to the one currently displayed. I look with admiration - there was a true head fighter!

The third labor involved getting the Carta d'Identita (Identity Card). This labor was to be accomplished at the Comune (Mayor's Office). I entered into a spacious room with a very high ceiling. It was probably an old palace now ruled by heads. There weren't any people waiting in line, I felt that maybe luck was again on my side. A head greeted me with a smile and asked me how she could help. I delivered all documents I had and explained that I wanted my Carta d'Identita. The head checked them and said "Very well". In five minutes I had the Carta! I could not believe on how simple it was.

I was leaving the Comune admiring my new document when I noticed that the residence section read 'Lisbonna, Portogallo' although with the correct street address in Forli. I thought going back in, but quickly decided against it. I didn't want to potentially create delays. After all I had in my hands an official document; I was sure they knew what they were doing. A day later I found out that I ought to have returned inside, because the problem returned with a vengeance.

Please go to my page to continue reading the remaing four labors.